Tuesday, January 12, 2010

'Roid confession I'd like to hear

Picking up from Bikemonkey's most excellent rant...

Here's the 'roid confession I'd like to hear one of these days:

Yeah, I did steroids and HGH. I'm not proud of it, but I did it.

And it pisses me off that all of you people are getting all freaking high and mighty over me because of this. The hell with you all. The writers knew something was going on. The managers knew something was going on. The owners knew something was going on. The fans knew something was going on. What....a record stands for 40 years without anyone getting close to it and suddenly it gets broken 5 times in 3 years, and you all seriously thought it was because of better fucking Ovaltine? Players who could barely hit 50 HRs per season suddenly started increasing their output by 30 or 40% and it was all hunky dory? And oh, coincidentally, players were getting freakishly bigger and looking like they were cut out of granite---you thought that was because of better colon cleanse and vitamins? Fuck off, you sanctimonious bastards. The fans loved the entertainment, the owners loved the profits, and suddenly I'm the numero uno bad guy? Are you fucking kidding me?

I did it because, frankly, pretty much everyone did something or the other. I belong to a sport that invented and lives by the credo, "If you're aren't cheating, you aren't trying". I started looking around one day and realized that I could either do something to keep up or risk losing my multi-million dollar job. Yeah, I know there was theoretically a third option---to blow the whistle. Sure--and then I'd be obliterated by the system, be the poster boy for pariahs in this nation and be left at a point where I wouldn't be employable even as assistant crack-whore. Why sure, where do I sign up for that? We live in a country where pretty much everyone with half a functioning brain knew that the entire basis for the Iraq war was bullshit, yet no one stopped it and years and trillions of dollars later we're still in it. If human history has taught us one thing it is that when cabals of rich, powerful fuckers want something they usually end up getting it, and if you try to stop them you usually get destroyed. In this case, there was too much money at stake for anyone involved in the business to do anything meaningful about cheating. That's just the way it was. Everyone talks about the players profiting from it---but everyone, including the millionaire superstar 'journalists' who cover the sport, had something to gain, financially and otherwise. And the fans, ever looking for the next high, couldn't care less---they were intoxicated with the entertainment. Attendance, TV revenues, sponsorships, endorsements, all went through the roof.

So yeah, I'm not proud of what I did. But quit sitting there and moralizing on me. I'm just a product of this wonderfully putrid system folks. Besides, WERE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
And as for the sanctity of records, may I remind you that many of these damn records were set when colored folk weren't even allowed to play in the major leagues. So yeah, so much for your fucking sanctity and your damn asterisks.

I did what I needed to do, in the age that I played in. So if you think I belong in the Hall of Fame, great. I'll be happy to oblige and keep the circus going to everyone's profit. But of you decide to not let me in the HOF, I ain't losing any sleep either. In the information age, you can't threaten me with historical obsolescence, folks. In the YouTube and Twitter age, you think I give a crap about having a plaque in some shithole in NY? Every time people Google "XYZ baseball record" they come up with my name whether you bunch of gasbag writer voters like it or not. There was a time when election into the HOF would've meant an almost essential financial lifeline well into retirement. Not so much anymore, folks---the eight figures (before the decimal point) in my various bank accounts make for a pretty damn comfortable retirement, thank you very much.

I am sorry it had to be like that. But there's not a lot I could've changed, and not many of you in my place would have done differently either. Quit moralizing and get the hell over it.
Buh-bye now.

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11 comments:

BikeMonkey said...

Now that's more LIKE it...!

Abel Pharmboy said...

Thank you for that.

And as for the sanctity of records, may I remind you that many of these damn records were set when colored folk weren't even allowed to play in the major leagues.

And Josh Gibson and Buck Leonard thank you for that.

scribbler50 said...

Wow... right on the fucking money, Stache. Brilliant!

Anonymoustache said...

Thanks for the kind comments, guys.

Drugmonkey said...

Ping!

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Anonymous said...

Wonderful post -- why don't you have a "print this" button?

Anonymoustache said...

Thanks Anon.
It's there now, but you have to click on the post link (title) to get the full post page, and the print icon/link should appear immediately after the text of the post.
Sorry that's the best could figure out for now---will try to get a better solution if possible later.

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