Friday, February 19, 2010

Stop Breaking the News - In which I take on Selena Roberts

OK, this is getting to be even more entertaining than I'd bargained for. First there was all the caterwauling about Tiger stealing the thunder from a golf tournament.

Now it gets better. Selena Roberts of SI.com claims that Tiger Woods, by scheduling his announcement for today, is ,"stealing the spotlight from feel-good (Olympic) games". Selena's article is so remarkably stupid, on so many counts, that I feel compelled to respond to it.

Firstly, I didn't realize (and I think neither did Tiger) that he needed to cross-check his calendar with every other significant event in the world and schedule his announcement accordingly. I guess he should have had the sensitivity to schedule his announcement sometime after the NCAA tournament, after hockey season, after the NBA season, before NFL training camp, and at 2 am on a Tuesday morning so as to cause minimal disruption to whatever pathetic golf event was being held that week. Thank you, golf scribes, bitter PGA pros and Selena Roberts for pointing out how freaking inconsiderate and egotistical Tiger really is.

Secondly, it seems to have chapped Selena's ass too that Tiger will not entertain questions at his announcement today. What questions would you like to ask, Selena, that are relevant to Tiger's golf, that will not embarass him and his family any further? Or would you like to get a Ken Starr-esque play-by-play of who he banged and how he did it, so as to enrich the lives and the essential knowledge-base of the world at large? And because that would be the right thing for Elin and the kids, y'know? Right?

Thirdly, I didn't realize that the 'feel-good' for an Olympic games constituted some Americans winning gold medals. Because, you know, I might have been thrown off by the fact that the Olympic movement has become the examplar for corruption, politics and the fine art of putting whipped cream on a turd. I, for one, have been disgusted by these Olympics. The lead story should be the arrogance of the Olympic committee in not listening to serious concerns and complaints about their dangerous tracks, an arrogance that has already led to the loss of a young and promising life. Oh, I forgot.....it was not an American life, so it doesn't impinge on the feel-good-ness of these Olympics for you, huh? The second lead should have been about how tens of millions of dollars were spent in importing snow for these games, so that, you know, you'd have your feel-good fortnight, at a time when such money could have been used to far better effect in any of many efforts starting with, say, the relief effort in Haiti. The third lead should be the absolutely disgraceful commercialization of the event as well as its TV coverage (by your fellow 'journalist' community, no less) that has resulted in the complete betrayal of the very athletes whose cause you claim to speak for. If you want someone to give these winter athletes a break, maybe you should get your bosses to show some of these events live, or at least at a decent hour so people could watch them, and preferably without sandwiching each minute of actual sport within five minutes of advertizing filth. Then we'll talk. But anyway. You keep right-on feeling good there, now, y'hear?

Fourthly, Selena, you have the gall to use the Olympics (and comments by Jacques Rogge) to pass judgment on Tiger's Woods' sex life? I mean, SERIOUSLY? Here's a tip from an amateur investigative journalist---go ahead and do a Google search for the terms "Olympics and condoms". Are you aware that, like for the Beijing Games, the Vancouver Games are also arranging to hand out approx 100,000 condoms to the participants this year? Don't believe me? Look here, and here, and here, for instance. That translates to about 14 condoms for each player, trainer, official and coach in the Olympic Games. Given the reality of what clearly transpires at the Olympics, handing out condoms is clearly the smart public health move. But then Rogge thinks that Tiger failed becuase he "likes their athletes to be good role models for youngsters"? Are you fucking kidding me? Look, I don't care if the entire Olympic village bursts out into a Caligula-worthy fuck-fest and orgy every night....that is the prerogative of the athletes there...but I do think that such rampant sexual behavior eliminates anyone associated with the Olympics from having any authority to comment on the sexual mores of somebody else.

So, Selena, when you decided to pile onto the assault on Tiger using your Olympics angle, did you do so in the full knowledge of exactly how 'feel-good' the Olympic games really were, or did you just employ your trademark oversight and sloppiness in the haste to make a name for yourself at Tiger Woods' expense. You know, like you did with the Duke lacrosse case. Or with the Alex Rodrigues book.....

And you call yourself a journalist. Shame on you.....

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5 comments:

Drugmonkey said...

condoms. feel good.


not sure what you are missing here, lab partner.

Abel Pharmboy said...

Just as an aside to follow on your comments about the suckass Olympics coverage, Nate Silver (the FiveThirtyEight.com statistician) had me peeing my pants yesterday about the coverage:

"NBC is lucky the Internet hasn't been invented yet. Otherwise you could find a livestream for any Olympic event, albeit probably in Slovak."

"If the Internet existed, you could watch the Olympics like this. http://tweetphoto.com/11796481"

Anonymoustache said...

AP,
That is gold, man!

Comrade PhysioProf said...

Dude, what the fuck does a bunch of single people fucking in the Olympic village have to do with Tiger Woods cheating on his wife over and over and over?

Anonymoustache said...

Yeah CPP,
All the people at the Olympics fornicating at a rate of 14 condoms per person per games (which they fear will be insufficient, actually) are single and obviously not in committed relationships. All 7000 of them. Sure, you keep right on believing that.
Nevertheless, like I said, they have the prerogative to do what they want and I could not care less.
However, the point is that if you, like Jacques Rogge, sit at the head of an organization/movement that (at least and even if without choice) facilitates such rampant fornication, you should shut the fuck up about why your athletes are great role models and how Tiger somehow fell short of that ideal. And even if you are a poor excuse for a journalist like Selena Roberts (who thinks this is a feel-good Olympics, and thereby loses a ton of credibility right there) you should be smarter than to use that basis to castigate Tiger for his sexual behavior.
If you really think that nobody at the Olympics, during their Olympian fuck fests, is breaking a marital or relationship-code of ethic, then you are being deliberately naive and foolish. Still, that is your prerogative as well.