I had asked, in a couple of my previous posts, why journalists were so upset that Tiger Woods would not entertain questions during his public statement yesterday. Of course, I thought the statement to be unnecessary but a sad inevitability as well. But anyway, my point was that there wasn’t much golf-related to ask Tiger and the rest of the stuff with his personal life was nobody’s business but his family’s….so what did these people want to ask Tiger that could be relevant and not tabloid?
ESPN.com writer Jason Sobel has boldly ventured forth, and actually listed 10 questions that he’d have liked to ask Tiger. Now, luckily for Jason and the rest of the world, it just so happens that I have the answers to most of his questions, and I’m willing to provide them completely free of charge. So quit thanking me profusely and read the damn answers already…..
(Sobel’s questions in bold type, and my answers, bold as they may be, in regular type…..)
Q: Where was Elin?
A: None of your damned business.
Q: What happened on Nov. 27, 2009?
Well, whatever is deemed to be public record is available from the respective police dept. Beyond that, the details of the events are none of your damned business.
Q: Why the prolonged silence?
Didn’t much feel like talking, and was pretty busy with rehab. In case you don’t know, rehab people run a pretty tight ship.
Q: How come questions weren't allowed?
Because I said so. Feel free not to attend my future press conferences or golf events if you are too miffed by this.
Q: What is his addiction?
A: Ever heard of doctor-patient confidentiality? Well, doctors have to adhere to it but patients have a right to it. So I guess my answer is, “None of your damned business”.
Q: Will there be changes in Team Tiger?
Are you willing to reveal to me the intricate goings on regarding any and all sensitive impending policy decisions and management changes etc at ESPN? No? I guess, what I’m saying is that my answer is, “None of your damned business”.
Q: Why hold the speech at PGA Tour headquarters? Why leak driving range photos?
Why not? And wouldn’t you allow that driving range photos are better than driving photos under the circs? Would you not put your best foot forward?
Q: When will he return to competitive golf?
OK, finally a legitimate question.
But it was answered. Tiger said he is not sure when he’ll return. Sorry that he couldn’t schedule his rehab around your desire for a firm timeline to make money off his talent.
Q: Has he been suspended by the PGA Tour?
Another legit, and actually great, question. But one that could have easily been posed to the Commish, Tim Finchem, who has been chatting up a veritable storm to you guys of late…I mean, on TV, in print, you name it…
Q: What would Earl say?
A: Sigghhhh….at the risk of sounding repetitive, but in the interest of preserving the integrity of what principles of newsworthiness may remain….”NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS”.
Thank you, Thank you….