Sunday, September 13, 2009

Are you ready for some football? Part 3

The conclusion of the The Definitive 2009 NFL Preview:

NFC WATB… er…North:

The NFC North. Scion of the legendary NFC Central. The Black and Blue division. The Norse division. Home of legends such as the Purple People Eaters, the Monsters of the Midway, the Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field. The division that doubtless inspired the voice of Jon Facenda to greater depth and timbre. Of course, now with the addition of Cutler and Favre it has turned into the NFC Whiny-ass-titty-baby division.

Green Bay is now the chic pick to win it all this year. I hope they do really well but, to borrow a phrase from Chris Collinsworth, I am not so sure. Their defense has to prove a lot of things this year and the offense still has to produce like it did last year. Minnesota is better on defense and Adrian Peterson alone makes them a potentially dominant force on offense. I think Minnesota wins this division even if Favre’s arm falls off after 10 games like it did last year. Green Bay should earn a wild card spot. BTW, Detroit will be much better than they were last year---I think Jim Schwartz could have them winning very soon, possibly as early as next year.

NFC South:

Both New Orleans and Atlanta look great but both have suspect defenses. I say Atlanta wins this division based on their better ground game and New Orleans earns a wild card berth.

NFC West:

Seattle is the chic pick to win the NFC West. They won’t. They’ll suck, as they deserve to, being led by the vocal conservative shithead Hasselbeck. About a month into the season, Ol’ Hassle-back will throw out his spine again during one of his weekly ritualistic orgies with Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly. The 49ers will win that division, and it may not be close. Those of you who are yelling, “ B-B-But the Cardinals…!!!”, pipe down. Arizona was the worst team to make the playoffs last year---then they caught lightning in a bottle when they found a running game and Kurt Warner stumbled upon this pop report that Viagra can improve athletic performance as well. Defense and rushing win championships, and I don’t see Arizona having a sufficient supply of either, especially the latter. They do have ex-Steeler Whisenhunt as head coach, and they still have LFitzgerald and Boldin, so they won’t completely suck---just enough to not make the playoffs, methinks.

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