Thursday, October 9, 2008

Bailout recap


So, on Friday, Sept. 26, the DJIA closed at 11,143.13.

On Monday, Sept. 29, the first bailout bill (for $700 billion) went to a vote in the House. And got voted down. So the DJIA closed at 10,365.45.
And everyone went OMG!!! We have to do something, otherwise our economy will tank!!! We have to bail out the poor fatcats who really really fucked up while paying themselves billions in BONUSES!!!! ACT NOW!!! We lost a trillion dollars today!!!!

Fast forward two days to Oct 1. The Senate passes a bailout bill and urges the House to pass it. There's talk of tax-incentives (bribing some Congressmen with pork disguised as Vitamin C). Wall Street gets some wind of hope over the past two days and the DJIA closes at 10,831.07.

Fast forward two more days to Fri., Oct 3 when the House passes a bailout bill that will now cost the taxpayer merely $800+ billion dollars---damn, the people and their Reps drive a hard muthafuckin bargain!! But over the past two days Wall Street is a bit disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm on the part of the ungrateful, financially-stupid, largely goddamned liberal-commie, general populace to keep giving them billions of dollars in bonuses, so the DJIA closes at 10,325.38.

But the much-needed action had been taken. The toxic mortgages (worth about $100-$150 billion in all) have been bailed out, plus there's some $500-$600 billion spare change left over to "restore the confidence in the credit markets". PHEW!!

Fast forward to Oct.9, when the DJIA closed at 8,579.19. Yup, it has only lost about 17% of its total value in the week since the bailout.

Well at least it's a good thing that the fiscally-responsible Republicans have had the White House for the past 7+ years and the House and the Senate for 4 of those years! Surely we built up a nice cushion! What? We have nearly doubled our national debt in those past 7+ years??!! Damn tax-and-spend liberals MUST be SOMEHOW responsible!!

Hey, common working dude and dudette---do you feel something trickle down? Well, that's just some blood from the anal-rape that you've suffered because, well, freedom isn't free, and stuff like that. But please, please, feel free to close your eyes or bury your head in the sand and convince yourself that it is some liberal's fault. Because it could not be ---just could not be--- possible that good old Ronnie Reagan could reach out from the depths of his tomb and ass-fuck you with his massive, deregulating, now-fully-distended, supply-side cock, could it? No. No way.

So the solution is obvious. An $800 billion dollar bailout could not stop an 800-point drop in the DJIA. Now it has fallen a further 1700 points or so. So we need at least another $2 trillion in the bailout, to try and appease the hard-working-for-such-peanuts Wall Street investment bankers and see if they will deem you worthy of saving. If you are really really nice to them, and give them another 2-3 trillion dollars and say 'pretty-please with sugar on top', then maybe they'll get Wall St. back on track, get ROARING, create a veritable boom of, say, 20% increase from current levels in one year---back to 10K baby!---and you, the miserable, ungrateful taxpayer, would have restricted your collective 401K losses to only $2 trillion or so!!!!

So what are you waiting for? Go on, urge your Congressmen and Senators to do the only truly American thing that can be done. Give the rich guys more money so they can create prosperity for you!!! That is how capitalism works don't you see, you pig-headed clods?


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